hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
