I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
