Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ok first of all what the fuck
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
