your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
