I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
