I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
