I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
