No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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