He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
