I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she smelled like a LAN party
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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