You're completely useless in the revolution.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
