the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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