none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
