dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
