Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
