Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
