so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
