piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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