I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
