I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
