Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
