That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
