His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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