Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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