A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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