I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
