speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
