oh god the rape fog is back!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
