I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
