I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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