Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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