Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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