Pappa wants mamma naked
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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