Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
