youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
