i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
