he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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