wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
