Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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