I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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