How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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