I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Welp...herpes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
