I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
