Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
