come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
