Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
