420 ftw
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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