Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
