we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
