In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
