your thong is hanging out like whoa
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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