i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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