Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Little spoons don't ask big questions
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
