You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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