You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
